さかえなか
とそつとあびか。
ビールみます。
Glory between
The heights of Heaven and the depths of Hell?
Look at beer.
どようびに
はなをみました。
クラシツク。
On Friday,
I saw a flower.
Classical music.
あめてした。
ぜんぜんひとり。
モデストサクス。
It was raining.
There were no people.
Modesto sucks.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
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4 comments:
ビールをかんぱい。 そのことばをわかりませんが、ビールのせんりゅうがすきてす。 Rather than ズクス, which sounds like zukusu, how about サクス?
I didn't get 「とそつとあびか」... but it seems something very deep and the contrast between heaven or hell and beer was nice.
Yes Anna, I think サクス or サックス is closer to the sound we Japanese hear. But Japanese might not get the meaning. So how about チェッ (onomatopoeia for clucking with one's tongue) or ムカムカ (onomatopoeia for feeling sick)?
ども。
I appreciate your comments, they are rather helpful.
The poem about heave and hell essential says that since it does not make a difference which is which, just enjoy life. I use a beer just because it captures this rather well.
Haha I like the abrupt endings to your senryu. It seems like in your first senryu beer becomes metaphorical of the mundane and trivial. ビールがすきひゃありませんか。
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